There is a running joke in our household that whenever my mom has nothing to do, she’ll go and start folding some clothes. After the past week, I swear upon the holy name of Batman that I will never make that joke again.
For the past week, my brother and I have been home alone. Owing to a bereavement in the family, my mom was away in hinterland of Tamil Nadu- the home of idli, dosas and death by bulls. My dad was abroad on work for 4 out of the 6 days. The other 2 days, he left for office in the morning, and came home at night- you know, like normal people do. So even those two days, his presence was more like a guest appearance by a famous star in a movie- very noticeable but with little meaning (Which is also a 6 word review of Housefull 3).
Now ideally, my brother and I are supposed to divide all work equally. But since he likes Grand Theft Auto and I like not getting into a wrestling match with him, that didn’t exactly happen. So he was in charge of making breakfast for me (cheese sandwich with oregano seasoning and bhujiya), while I was in charge of…everything else. This included folding clothes, segregating clothes, taking clothes out from the clothing line, clothes, clothes, clothes, and cleaning. In case it wasn’t clear, the clothes related work doesn’t END! I fold what feels like an entire wedding party’s outfits, and suddenly there appears even more clothes to be dried and folded. And when clothes are straight out of the washing machine, they are heavy. So basically, half my day involves heavy lifting clothes that weigh more than Hulk. That’s not even the worst part.
I discovered a new game, and aside from GTA 5 and Batman: Arkham Knight, it’s the most difficult one I’ve ever played. It’s called Where’s All The Underwear? It’s a high graphics multi-player game where every morning after bath, my brother and I run around the house in a towel looking for underwear. When mom is home, somehow the drawers in my cupboard get magically restocked with my drawers. In her absence though, some underwear was drying, some was scattered among a pile of clothes on the chair, some were in the washing machine and the ones that I couldn’t find, I just assume they are enjoying this terrible game of hide and seek. But on the last day, my dad magically found all the underwear in two minutes flat! Ha ha Maggi. My father is a brilliantly qualified professional eminent in his field of work, and a caring husband and father. But I have never been more in awe of him than when he conjured up all our underwear out of nowhere. It was like a magic trick, but not the kind you want to perform at parties.
The kitchen was the other problem that we created, and then spent all our time complaining about. We ordered food from outside the entire week, and we sometimes forgot about this quaint idea called cleaning up. So all of a sudden, the kitchen platform would have two large Pizza Hut boxes, two packets from Burger King, packets from Mc Donalds, Subway and any other American fast food chain present in India. My brother and I gave them enough revenue to sustain their business even if no one else buys from them in 2017. We also had food from a nearby Indian restaurant, because paneer sabzi is life. All of this would accumulate on the platform, making it look like 20 people have partied there, whereas only two of us humbly take credit for all the destruction.
Fortunately, the maid would clean the dishes each morning. But seeing the quantity we ate and number of plates she had to wash, I’m fairly certain she’s going to ask for a severance package rivaling India’s top CEOs. The maid also hung all the wet clothes in the clothes line after the one day I did it and I wanted to sleep for 5 days to recover from the experience.
But finally, sanity is restored and my mother is back to what she does best- show the rest of us how utterly incompetent we are. I have newfound respect for my mother and have realized that she doesn’t fold clothes because she has nothing else to do. She folds clothes because there are so many that she can’t do anything else! But I have quite an innovative and practical solution to the clothes problem. We need to stop wearing clothes. Let’s embrace the proud habits of our ancestors.